Fresh blog served on a poo-poo platter
I am writing this blog as I sit upon a toilet in a public men's room. I am doing so to present a genuine "in-the-moment" affect. These are the types of steps I take to make reading this blog more of an "experience" for you. You're welcome.
Anywhoodle, I loath using public restrooms. Age and demographic are cast to the wind in public men's rooms, as everyone in here conducts themselves like a caveman. Toilet paper sheets scattered about the floor, pools of sink water polluting the counter tops, wads of paper towels lain AROUND the trash can, I can't stand it.
What is worse is when I am making a bio movement in a stall and another caveman decides to join me by occupying another. I say "join me" because, in public restrooms I always feel like I am taking a dump WITH someone as opposes to merely taking one at the same time as them.
Right now, the guy I'm crapping with is watching a sitcom on a hand-held device. All I can hear is the laughter, which creates the illusion that my writing this blog is accompanied by a laugh track; thus, giving me the confidence I need to carry on with this [obviously] humorous tirade.
I propose a new rule, gentlemen: No conversations in the rest room.
Nothing is more awkward than a fellow caveman asking me if I took notice of what the hot office chick is wearing today. Who knows who is in the stalls?! Let's stick to shooting the breeze in the lunch room, fellas.
One last rule: No fear of germs.
This isn't so much a fear as much as it is an annoyance. Fellas, you don't need to wrap your hands in paper towels to open the restroom door. The germs on the doorknob are not the kind that will kill you. Besides, the germs on the restroom doorknob are the very same germs that are on the doorknob back to into the office. You can't escape them.
This post was especially spiteful. What a downer, huh? Maybe my next blog will be about rainbows and candy canes; that way, the negative and positive forces will balance themselves out.
It'll work. Trust me. Science says so.