Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make. My dear aunt Brenda frequents this web site and is an avid reader of this blog, thus I have a few rules:
Rule #1: Absolutely, no hitting on my aunt.
There are some places where hitting on other people's aunts is acceptable, like Canada, China, The North Pole, and the southern reigons of Nevada; however, such practice will NOT be tolerated here.
This rule also applies to my celebrity readers. I know you may be popular and have dashing good looks, but that doesn't give you the right to galavant about this web site, tossing suggestive quips to my family.
...and yes, I'm talking to YOU Alec Baldwin.
Rule #2: No parties.
As some of you may know, P.Diddy had his birthday party on my web site last year. Things got a little crazy. The police were called, and Tony Danza ended up in the hospital due to a randy Perez Hilton spiking his drink. There will be no more of this. We have to tone it down a bit, so from now on we will only host coctail parties on my web site, and only after the Oscars. Mtv Award after parties are simply too unruly.
Rule #3: Clean up your finger and toe nail shavings.
This rule is mainly aimed at John Travolta and doesn't have much to do with my aunt frequenting this site. It seems like everytime I log into my site to post something, Travolta's clippings are scattered about all over. It's just gross. Show some respect. That's all I'm asking, Travolta. Just show some respect.