Dear Wolf Blitzer
I just did research and I realized that your name really is Wolf Blitzer. You have a very bad ass name and I'm sure it has worked to your advantage with the ladies. Also, I'm sure you have never had to play a sport in your life or sleep with massive amounts of women to prove your manhood. I would never question the manhood of a man named Wolf.
I imagine college is when it started working in your favor. You were most likely at a college party and something like this happened:
WOLF: Hello super models.
MODEL 1: Who the hell are you. Can't you see we're much too attractive to talk to you.
MODEL 2: Yeah, totally.
WOLF: I think you'll change your mind about that momentarily.
MODEL 1: Look cheese ball I have a boyfriend!
WOLF: What's your boyfriend's name?
MODEL 1: It's Brad Pitt.
MODEL 2: And my boyfriend's name is Jermaine Jackson.
WOLF: I see. Well, my name is Wolf Blitzer.
MODEL 1: Understood. Would you like us to remove our clothes now or later.
WOLF: Now is fine, but could you go get me a beer first? Thanks.
Wolf, I'm sure your father was either very stoned all the time or a home-schooled race car driver. Wolf, I've read your Wikipedia and it doesn't mention that you were born in a karate dojo. Why? With a name like Wolf Blitzer I am sure you were born in a karate dojo, or perhaps, hatched from an eagle egg. No one knows the truth, but I know you were not born from a woman's womb with a name like Wolf Blitzer. Your claws and underdeveloped talons would have surely damaged the trappings of the female anatomy.
Wolf, all I am trying to say is that your name is very bad ass. Please do not get angry with me and kill me with lasers from your eye balls.