Enjoy the ice cream!
Today is Tenant Appreciation Day here at the office building. Its a day where the managers of the building get us ice cream and throw a miniature carnival with games and what not. It's like an ice cream social from elementary school. I used to get so insanely excited for ice cream socials in elementary school and you would think that 20 years life would numb me to such excitement.
When I found out we were getting ice cream today, I nearly pissed my pants. I read the mass e-mail and my jaw dropped. "No f--kin' waaaaaaaay," I said to myself with glee. What is funny about all of this (besides a 28 year old man getting THOROUGLY excited about free ice cream) is the announcement they made over the building intercom.
I'm going to start my own business. Since sex is so demoralzed in today's society and everyone is just porking each other willie-nillie, I'm going to cater to the general populus. I will start a cruise line called, LEDBETTER RELATION-SHIPS. The cruise line will be a weekend long trip on a cruise line where people go to parties and hook up at random.
Surely, travellers will need to sign release forms saying that LEDBETTER RELATION-SHIPS is not responsible for any sexually transmitted diseases or resulting legal woes stemming from restraining orders, illegitimate children, child support, and the like. I think it could work. I REALLY think it could work, so invest all of your money in my company.
NOTE: No donations under $700 accepted.
Every Wednesday the building fire marshall (or whatever), tests the intercom system. He has the voice of a robot who has stayed up all night writing statistics. Thats a stretch, but I'm trying to stress how monotone this guy's voice is. It has no emotion.
Anyways, at the end of his announcement (which is scripted to the point where I know it by heart) he said, "Enjoy the ice cream." It sounded like he tried to say it with emotion by putting emphasis on words, but it ended up sounding like he was giving us an order rather than wishing us happy time. This is mainly because of misused inflection.
Instead of saying, "Enjoy the ICE cream," he said, "ENJOY the ice cream."
Laides and Gentlemen...
Ladies and Gentlemen...
This is our weekly test of fire safety systems.
This is just a test.
Have a great day.
ENJOY the ice cream!
Remember the sitcom Living Single? Why did they call it that? By the end of the second season they were all in relationships :p