in the pretend world....
I have terrible sinuses. I have tried every medicine known to man and none of them have worked. I have mutant sinuses; some would even call them gremlin sinuses because of the sound my nose makes when I breathe on days where there is a high pollen count. I sniff and blow my nose ad infinitum and it doesn't matter if I am at work, out with friends, or even on a date.
NOTE: I haven't been on a real date in ages and this may partially be in part to my constant sniffling and blowing.
What the lot of you don't know is that in the land of make believe (the world in which I live) sinus issues are all the rave. In the world I live in having a stuffy nose is a sign of dignity and it is even considered to be regal in some reigons.
Don't you wish you had a stuffy nose like me? I'll be you do. Its too bad that you can breathe properly and smell things and taste things like a "normal" human being. Smelling and tasting is overrated anyways. Since when has anyone noticed you for smelling something? Which scenario is more realistic?
PERSON 1: Have you heard of Mark and his nose?
PERSON 2: Yeah, he can smell things.
PERSON 1: Yep. Just like the rest of us.
PERSON 1: I was smelling roses the other day.
PERSON 2: Yeah, me too.
PERSON 1: We're pretty much the same, huh?
PERSON 2: Yeah...what meaning is there in life?
ME: Hey, you guys.
PERSON 1: Quincy! Hi, where you out smelling the roses.
ME: Oh no...I have terrible sinuses. I can rarely ever smell anything at all.
PERSON 2: I swear Q.Ledbetter, you are a man of your own build.
PERSON 1: You're so unique.
ME: I know, right....
In conclusion, I'm awesome and you're just boring.
It has come to my attention at various points in my life that. I eat like a caveman. A dear friend brought this to my attention in high school. He says that my face is too close to my plate and I hold my eating utensils incorrectly.
I tried to find an example of how I hold my untensils, but I couldn't find a picture that was accurate. I decided to post this one instead:
Said friend has recently tried to teach me how to hold a fork/spoon. Here is an illustration of how you should hold your fork:
This is all well and good, but I'm not a sissy. Note how this is a woman and how she's a bit TOO happy to be holding her fork like a sissy. My friend looks EXACTLY like this when HE holds his fork.....like a sissy.
So do the rest of you.
Like how I ended that by insulting all of you? I'll bet you didn't know that I was pretty gangsta.
Leon, my co-worker, reads my blog now. I am honored.