Q.Ledbetter refutes some sour dating tips from a pro
The following are dating tips by a woman named Patti *something*. She is a nationally known dating expert. I'm sketchy about dating experts because dating and meeting someone is much easier said than done and these people act like they know EEEEVERYTHING.
Anyways, she posted some first date rules for women online and I agree with some of them, but I disagree with many others. Since I'm a man (and a good man) I figure my take on her advice would hold some weight.
When setting up the first date, spend no more than five minutes on the phone. You want there to be an air of mystery, and you want to have a lot to talk about on the actual date.
Personally, I don't like talking on the phone for too long with most people. Its nothing personal, its just I'm more of a face-to-face type of guy. I agree with this tip, but it doesn't just apply for the initial phone call. Women who continue on and on about nothing (and sometimes everything) on the phone are a turn off. If you feel like you're doing all the talking you should get busy with something else and get off the phone or BETTER YET, take a breather from ranting and involve the guy in whatever it is your talking about:
How do you feel about that?
Whats you're take on the subject?
How was YOUR day?
Thats interesting, how'd you do that?
Guys should make the initial call and suggest where to have the date. It shows initiative.
Some guys are more shy than others and making that first call can be difficult. It doesn't mean that these aren't good man and it doesn't mean that they're not confident. Its just that for some men (like myself) if there wasn't enough interaction to lead me to believe that a woman WANTS me to call and set up a date, I won't do it. Call me chicken poo if you want to, but thats the way it is. Besides, nothing is hotter to me than a woman who sets up a first date. It makes me more attracted to a woman when she isn't afraid to make a move. It does, indeed, show initiative and its a great sign that if things do lead to something more serious, she won't wait for me to ask her what the problem is and have to play a guessing game. It shows that she knows what she wants and she'll make at least SOME effort to get it.
Early evenings are a great time for dates. Mornings remind us too much of work, and lunch is too informal. Early evenings allow you the opportunity, if you do like each other, to have more time together.
Personally, I could care less if we meet for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. If the attraction is mutual and we both know it, the it doesn't matter to me what position the sun is in when we meet each other.
The best places to meet for a first date are public places. Restaurants are safe. Do not go to the movies or secluded, quiet places. Keep it as public as possible.
Initially, I wouldn't want to come to your house anyways. Why? Because I wouldn't want you at my house. You could be crazy for all I know. However, if you leave it up to me one of the FIRST places I'll suggest we go is to a movie. I love the movies. If dinner and a movie isn't creative enough, then I got nothing. I mean, honestly, what else is there to do besides dinner and a movie?! There are only three things you can do in public places: eat, shop, and watch movies.
Stay away from bars and the club scene. There are too many people and too much activity. You may lose the focus of your date.
Also, stay away from bookstores. That is where you meet, not where you date.
I agree with the club thing, but bookstores are awesome. I'd definitely be down for a quick stop at BORDERS if you're with it and I wouldn't expect to "lose points" for it either.
A first date should never be a coffee date—it is the direct eye contact that makes women uncomfortable. Try a nice restaurant or take a walk and have a chat.
I can't really comment because I'm not too big on coffee. But, I do agree that looking into the eyes TOO MUCH would make anyone uncomfrotable.
You have 10 seconds to make a first impression, so look your best.
Any woman who only allows me 10 seconds to make any sort of impression isn't the type of judgemental nut case I'd want to be with anyways. I'd have no problem keeping it movin'.
When dressing for a first date, dress casual but nice.
Do not wear sneakers or sweats.
Men don't care whether or not you wear sneakers on a date. Dress however you feel comfortable. If you look like you put in too much effort (sometimes a little bit is too much), then a lot of guys would be turned off.
Less is better when it comes to jewelry, which goes for both men and women.
Make sure you carry breath mints.
Be yourself. Trying to hard to impress can end up leaving a bad impression on your date.
Show that you can be sexy, intelligent and beautiful all in the same breath. Do not be afraid to show all those traits. Show your sense of humor, smile and make great eye contact.
This tip contradicts the last one. No one can be sexy, intelligent, adn beautiful in the same breath without a little bit of effort; and not trying to be these things is key to letting it come natural and BEING YOURSELF. Don't try. Just let it flow and let the good times roll.
And, most importantly, be on time!
This is not most important, but it helps if you show up on time. Waiting for too long is annoying. It helps if you look hot when you're late. At which point all will be forgiven. If you show up late, AND you look a mess, then you're in trouble. It sounds superficial, but its ture when you're dealing with men.
Ultimately, most men (contrary to how they act) are greatful if you even bother to show up, so don't worry too much about being on time. Its important, but not so crucial that you should break your back running for the train.