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Alright, last night I found out that "worser" isn't a word. Here's how I made this discovery:

My best bud and roommate, Mr. Ryan Conner, and I were hangin' out at our apartment and Ryan had a genius idea.

"Dude, I want some cookies. You wanna go out and get some Oreos?"

Ummm...yes please, thank you!

So, off we went to the corner store to get some cookies. As we hopped from corner store to corner store (we had to go to three of them...I'll explain this later), a police car sped by. We joked about how "sketcy" our neighborhood is and I blurted out:

"Its pretty shady, but I've been in worser places."

Ryan is not the type of person to overlook another person's follies, so the following exchange took place:

RYAN: Hey man.

ME: Yeah?

RYAN: Did you just say 'worser'?

ME: Yeah, why?

RYAN: You know thats not a word, right?

ME: What? Are you serious. I could've sworn that--

RYAN: I mean, is that worse than worse?

ME: Uhhh...I uhhh...I guess so.

RYAN: Oh man.

ME: Wait, you mean to tell me that "worser" isn't a word at all?

RYAN: No. No, it isn't.

ME: Well, damn.

This, in conjunction with my constant misuse of the comma ( , ) and my frequent neglect of the question mark (?), makes me feel pretty dumb.

....and numb.

Somebody needs some reassurance.
*points to self*

Ok, now let me explain why a simple 50 yard walk to the corner store in search of Oreo Cookies turned into a 5 block scavenger hunt spanning 3 different delis:

-The first deli didn't have Oreos, which is a problem because every respectable deli is required to have three things:

1) delicious sandwhiches and/or subs
2) meats
3) oreos

Otherwise, its not a reputable deli and you should boycott.

-The second deli did not accept debit. Now, this is a recurring problem that I have with places that suck. Here we are in the year 2008. The Information Age. The age of the Internet. The dawn of Hi Definition Television.

...and here you are trying to run a business that does not accept debit/credit. What the crap is that about? Seriously.

I mentioned to Ryan that places that suck (like the deli we were in) don't always accept debit. So we went to the register, cookies in hand, and Ryan pulled out his card. The guy didn't speak english, which made the exchange all the more interesting:

RYAN: Do you accept debit?

REGISTER MAN: No. Dojeioa90eklchakl.

RYAN: I'm sorry...what?

REGISTER MAN: No. Diodiojusionfioekl. Family first.

RYAN: Oh ok...gotcha.

NOTE: Ryan and I are sure that the guy didn't say "family first". He probably attempted an English reply that sounded something like "family first. Its just that Ryan and I couldn't figure out what it was.

So, off we went to another deli.

-The third and final deli had Oreos and accepted debit, but there was a $10 base limit. So, since I was the only one with cash I had to pay the $4.00 for the cookies (didn't pay cash at the other deli because the cookies were more there).

And that is how things came to pass.

We ate Oreos and watch The Lady Killers on DVD.

NOTE: The Lady Killers is a hilarious movie and offers one of Tom Hanks' best on screen performances. Its a terribly underrated movie. Go watch it.

Quincy Ledbetter3 Comments