an interview with John McCain and Sara Palin
Q.LEDBETTER: I want to thank the both of you for taking this time and sitting down with me. I think it will be a good way to let the American people know where you stand on the issues.
MCCAIN: Well, thank you Q.Ledbetter. You are a great American citizen.
PALIN: Yeah, Q. Can I call ya', "Q". I'd like that a lot of bunches.
Q.LEDBETTER: Governor Palin, you can call me whatever you like. Senator McCain, my first question is directed towards you. The American people want to know, in these disastrous economic times, what will a McCain-Palin administration do to fix our economy?
McCain: Well, that's a good question Quincy and I would be happy to answer it for you. Governor Palin and I, upon being granted the unspeakable honor of being elected President and Vice President of the United States, will get right to work on fixing the economy.
Q.LEDBETTER: Right....but, how will you do it?
McCain: We are going to reform big government.
McCain: Right. The first thing that I will do as president is reform the way government works.
Q.LEDBETTER: How will you reform government?
Palin: We're gonna shake things up the way that only two mavericks can do.
Q.LEDBETTER: Ok, what exactly does that mean? How will you "shake things up"?
McCain: We're gonna take on the Ol' Boy Network. We're gonna cut government spending!
Q.LEDBETTER: Wow, you're going to cut government spending completely?!
Palin: Yes, all except spending that aids our troops.
McCain: And a few other necessary initiatives.
Q.LEDBETTER: Right, I've heard you mention that in other interviews. What will be these other "necessary initiatives".
McCain: Whichever initiatives are necessary.
Q.LEDBETTER: Which would include?
McCain: Anything that helps the American people. Look, Barack Obama wants to increase spending and raise taxes. If you ask me, that's just stupid. Its a mistake.
Q.LEDBETTER: Well, actually Senator Obama wants to cut programs and initiatives that are not working for the American people which would, in turn, free up funds for other initiatives that America is in dire need for. Also, Obama only plans to raise taxes for people and businesses who make over $250,000.00 a year and at the same time give a tax break to middle and lower class Americans.
Palin: What if I told you that Barack Obama pals around with terrorists?
Q.LEDBETTER: I wouldn't believe you.
Palin: Well, that's just too bad because its true.
Q.LEDBETTER: Do you have proof that Obama has a close, working relationship with terrorists?
Palin: .....Well....I would love to present you with the extensive amount of evidence we have gathered PROVING that Barack Obama has ties with serious terrorists that want to kill your babies.
Q.LEDBETTER: Well, I would love to see this evidence.
Palin: I'll have to get back to you on that.
Q.LEDBETTER: Senator McCain, you still haven't really answered the initial question. What will a McCain-Palin administration do to fix the economy.
McCain: I told you. We're going to reform government.
Q.LEDBETTER: How will you reform government and how will that fix the economy?
Palin: We're going to reform government by shaking things up and being mavericks. That will fix the economy by tearing apart the Ol' Boy Network.
Q.LEDBETTER: Who is this "Ol' Boy Network"? How are they destroying the economy?
McCain: We're gonna end the greed on Wall Street.
Palin: Look Quincy, Senator McCain and I are mavericks who do mavericky things that only two true mavericks can do.
Q.LEDBETTER: Ok, forget the economy. I see that asking you about this is a lost cause. Governor Palin, you have a strong sense against diplomacy when dealing with countries who are not allied with America. Do you actually believe that it is a better idea to invade without trying to reason with our enemies?
McCain: Quincy look, we're not going to be a party to your "gotcha journalism" tactics.
Q.LEDBETTER: This isn't gotcha journalism. I'm asking you simple questions. You're just not answering them.
Palin: Its like this Quincy. We cannot blink when the country is in danger of being attacked by terrorists and other countries and so many countries hate us that I'm sure it will happen eventually. Its best that we act without trying to reason with our enemies, even if all we have is a hunch that they could attack us.
Q.LEDBETTER: I'm going to give you an opportunity to clarify what you just said to me because it sounds very ridiculous.
McCain: Its like this. Lets say you're a kid in the 5th grade and there is another kid on the playground in the 3rd grade whom you hear has been talking about your mother unfavorably. How do you handle it? Do you try to talk to him? No! You don't! You walk right up to him and you clock him square in the jaw.
Q.LEDBETTER: You don't try to reason with the kid? You don't try to talk out your differences before you attack?
Palin: Look, we need to do what we need to do to protect our children. I love my children. Did you know that one of my children is a special needs child? How is my little special needs child supposed to protect himself against the terrorists? Well, I suppose I could have aborted my special needs child, but that's not what I wanted to do. I wanted to have my special needs child and fight for its protection.
Q.LEDBETTER: Lets keep family out of politics. That's not where I want this interview to go. Lets go back to policy. John McCain, you say you are the REAL candidate of change, but you have voted in favor of George W. Bush's policies 97% of the time. As recently as a few months ago, you said that the economy has seen a lot of growth under the Bush Administration. How can you expect to change anything in this country when you support the same policies of the past 8 years?
McCain: Look Senator Obama is not the change candidate. I am the change candidate. I have an extensive record of reform.
Q.LEDBETTER: That may be true, but your so called "reform" doesn't span over the past 8 years.
McCain: Look, when I was a POW I was locked up for years in a cage. They tortured me. I lost use of some mobility in my arms.
Palin: Obama won't fight for you. John McCain is the only person in this election who has really fought for you....and by saying that I'm talking about him being a POW. You should remember that in the voting booth this November.
Q.LEDBETTER: I feel for you and respect your sacrifice to this country, but that hardly qualifies you to be the next President of the United States. Governor Palin I was going to ask you about your stance on foreign policy, but I feel like you have embarrassed yourself enough. The last thing you need is another sound bite. I do, however, want to give you the last word in this interview. Is there anything you would like to say to the American people who could read this?
Palin: Yes, Q and first of all I want to thank you for taking the time out to pause in time to go over our polices in the McCain-Palin administration. Its all about passing legislation to get things going again on the side of the people because when you have the people, then you have government and its imposition on legislation and bills that should be passed in the explanation of the taxes breaks. What I'm talking about here is patriotism. I'd like you to go to a hockey game in Alaska and ask some of these hockey moms what's going on and they'll tell you that they need a maverick to reform big government and fix whats going on on Wall Street. But, its not just about Wall Street, is it? No. Its also about Main Street and passing legislation to get the dollar bill up again and into the pockets of the tax payers, who I think shouldn't have to pay taxes in the long run because of these things that need to be done for America.
McCain: Isn't she somethin'?!
Q.LEDBETTER: Governor Palin, can you expand on that a bit, please?!
*Just then a unicorn burst into the room and Sarah Palin jumped on its saddle. Immediately after the unicorn set off into the sky a bull burst through the wall and spoke to John McCain. "The situation is thick in here, Maverick," it said, "lets get outta here!" The bull grasped John McCain in it's teeth, sprouted wings and flew behind Sarah Palin and her unicorn into the sky.