halloween tips for the ladies
The years 2006 and 2007 ushered in a new wave of Halloween trends for women. These trends lent themselves to the area of what I like to call "Hookerism". That is to say, that starting in 2006 women were bitten by the sexy bug and decided to take normal Halloween costumes and make them sexy. This is almost as bad as when Justin Timberlake's song, "Sexy Back", came out and everyone used it as their AOL away message or their Facebook/Myspace quote.
I'm a dude in every sense of the word and sometimes it gives me great joy to see women dressed like they have no home training - and I mean that; however, there are no new innovations in the area of sexy costumes. Women are wearing the same types of Halloween gear and expecting to be seen as originators. Well ladies, I have compiled a list of costumes for you to stay away from if you want to be the talk of the stroll this Halloween season:
This is a favorite among women. I haven't seen as much Catwoman costumes as I have seen cats in general, but you can rest assured that if you go to a Halloween party you and at least one other girl will have this costume on.
The Sexy Bumble Bee
I'm not sure how you all came up with this one, but it is surely the most peculiar pick for a sexy costume in history. Nothing about bumble bees is sexy or erotic. Sure there are exotic bees, but they are exotic in poisonous or frightening ways. I think if you dress up as a seductive bumble bee, then you're just reaching for a reason to be sexy without there being any good reason at all. Stay away from it, please.
The Naughty School Girl
Not has the decision to dress as a naughty school girl been exhausted ad infinitum, but it encourages pedophiles to relapse on their crooked ways. Do the pervs of the nation a favor ladies and dress as something like a seductive school teacher or a naughty college dean. You know...someone of a more legal age and mature level of education and experience in the work force.
The Dirty Maid
Honestly, this one is my favorite and I don't know why. I'd like you to stop, but if you don't, then its all good. Carry on.
The (VERY) Helpful Nurse
I have what doctors call "very significant" Asthma, so naturally I have been in and out of hospitals all my life. I have only had one encounter with a nurse that was actually sexy. All the other real-life nurses I've come across look like Hillary Clinton. This is right up there with the bumble bee as far as realism goes, but it is another favorite. I'm actually not tired of seeing the sexy nurse. I'd like her to stick around and give me a Nebulizer Breathing Treatment; or maybe sneak into my room on a late night and seductively refill the water in my humidifier.
The Lady Cop
Again, I have never seen a real-life cop that was sexy. Also, I have never met a cop that I didn't think was an ass hole. There is nothing sexy about being unrealistic and an asshole. Think of something more appealing in the year 2008 ladies.
You will notice that I did not mention many other sexy costumes. This is probably because I didn't think of them and if I didn't think of them, then I didn't see enough of them to remember. I'd like it if you didn't reply with little reminders of costumes I should have mentioned. I can get away with doing things like that and caring enough about this to type and respond to blogs on the subject because I do not have much of a life.
....I expect more out of you.
Good day and Happy Halloween!