Blog TRL...Pressure Cooker
HER: Write me a blog.
HER: ...and it better be good.
ME: Haha! I'll try.
HER: ...and do it within the next 30 minutes.
ME: Damn, the pressure is on!
That exchange just took place between myself and the woman who has caused my googly eyes and giddy behavior in recent weeks. It is this exchange that prompted me to write the the best blog ever written in the history. The blog I am speaking of is the blog you are about to read. PREPARE YOURSELVES!
Whenever I am bored at work I go to the Google Images search engine and I type in descriptions of things I would like to see monkeys doing. You will think I am lying about this, but I am telling you the honest truth. I have yet to type in something in google that monkeys haven't done. Here are examples of things I typed into google images and the results that came up:
Monkey's riding bikes.
Monkey's on the phone.
Monkey at war.
You get the point. 85%-90% of the time you will find what you are looking for.
NOTE: I don't wanna sound racist or nothin'...but, all monkeys within the same species look the same.
A few weeks ago, I told my friend that he looks like a ferret. I regret this. Not because he doesn't look (and act) very much like a ferret. I just think he's more like a cartoon hyena from a Disney movie. I can say shit like this because my friend doesn't read this blog. I don't want to say my friend's real name because I don't want to embarrass him. Lets use a disguise name. We'll call him Jermaine Fowler.
"HEY, QUINCY! THAT'S MY REAL NAME!"
So, it seems that ever since last Saturday I have forgotten how to shake hands or give "dap" to people. I have a lot of socially proper friends as well as friends of a much more urban influence. My socially proper friends (herein to be referred to as "tightie whities") give standard handshakes, whereas my friends of an urban influence (herein referred to as "homies") give dap. This confuses me when I encounter new acquaintances because I never know if they're a tightie whitie or a homie.
Take for example Saturday morning when a new friend of mine, Sean Gabbert, stopped by the apartment. I greeted Sean prematurely and didn't consider whether or not he would go for the dap or the standard handshake. Apparently, he wondered the same thing. We grabbed each other's hand and did a sort of clinch/slide sort of thing that I would have to demonstrate for you to get how awkward it looked and felt. I ended the exchange by asking, "What the hell was that?"
From now on, when I meet people and before I extend my hand in greeting I will ask them, "Are you a dapper dude or a handshake man?" I encourage you to do the same.
So, earlier when I said that this is the best blog you'll ever read, I kinda lied (as you can tell). I'd grade this blog to be a C+ at best.
I have a reputation among readers of posting silly blogs that make no sense (as you can also tell). This hurts me sometimes when I have an actual point to make. A couple of days ago I wrote a poem that was very reflective of the way I used to feel about myself. I posted this poem in a blog both here (see a couple days ago) and on myspace. The comments I got from readers on myspace were mainly like this:
"Hahaha...you're so funny, Q!!!! I love your blogs! You're crazy!"
My friends, I shit you not. I challenge you to read that poem and tell me what is funny about it. Either I'm such a comedic genius that I can be funny without trying or I'm not as good a writer as I thought I was.
Women are my heroes. Someone very close to me is going through her "stage" right now and her emotions are volatile to say the least. She's handling it like a freakin' champ (aside from being viciously annoyed with me for the slightest slip up). I can't imagine if a dude was to go through PMS or something like it. There would be so much more violence in bars and clubs across the globe I think it would have to be made illegal for us to leave the house when we're PMSing.
Alright...this blog was like a B- or a C+ on average. I'll do better next time.
Here is a monkey on PMS: