Briteny Spears shall Spearhead my Career
I was hanging out with some folks yesterday and they informed me that Briteny Spears has pushed her crazy to a new level. I'm not going to explain how because I still have to go to Mtv News to get the specifics, but after they told me what happened I realized two things:
a) Since moving away from Virginia I have not been keeping up with enough (really insignificant) current events.
b) At this point Briteny Spears would probably bear my children if I let her.
Point B really interests me.
I'm pretty sure - and I mean this for real - if I met Briteny Spears and got to spend at least 10 minutes with her I can convince her that marrying me would be the first step in taking her career to the next level. She's that crazy and stupid.
Don't get it twisted: I don't want to marry Britenty Spears. I believe in Jesus and anyone who believes in Jesus wouldn't want to be with such a woman, however, I'm sure you will agree that marrying Briteny Spears would make life exciting for about a year and a half. I would immediately shoot to a status where if I want to say anything I'd have my publicist "release a statement"....and I've always wanted to do that.
Also, upon mine and Briteny's highly publicized divorce I'll have an in to befriend Kevin Fer-duh-line. Once I have gotten in good with K.Fed we can get FedBetter off of the ground.
NOTE: FedBetter is the imaginary rap group that I created consisting of myself (Q.Ledbetter), K.Fed (Kevin Ferdeline), and Zack from the hit TV series Saved by the Bell.
I was hanging out with my friend Henri yesterday and he told me that he is going to get a tattoo across his back that says, "THE SUN NEVER SETS ON A BADASS," or something like that. What is even more awesome about this is that he is dead serious. I want to be there when he gets it done.
This weekend I tried my hand at cooking an actual meal for myself. I attempted a combination of beef and vegetables. Things didn't go as planned because after I started cooking I realized that I don't have any seasoning in my apartment. I mean, we have pepper, but who doesn't have pepper?
To compensate for the absense of good seasoning I used BBQ sauce and Honey Mustard. I've always thought that if you put BBQ sause and Honey Mustard on anything it would make it taste better. I was wrong....I was terribly wrong. Heavily peppered beef that has been drowned (and I do mena DROWNED) in BBQ sause and honey mustard on top of over-cooked vegetables is not the move. I call foul.
Ok....I've run out of things to say. I'm going to read up on Briteny Spears now.