Filmmaker - Musician - Photographer

various rants and such

My friend Aparna and I are playing a vicious game of phone tag. This phone tag is different from the phone tag that you may be familiar with. Aparna and I play EXTREME phone tag. It involves gladiators and lions and swords and "things of a separate nature of reality".

Anyways, I'm not sure if your reading this, but if you are: Aparna, I will call you later today....and I shall do so with the fury.

I'm very self-consious of myself and how I come across to people. My waivering self-esteem works for my benefit just as much as it hurts me. It's helpful because never feeling like I'm good enough causes me to work tirelessly to be better. It works against me because even though I am actually good enough, it's never good enough for me. I'm not sure how to change the harmful aspects of this, so if you have any idea your help would be greatly appreciated.

My roommate/best friend Ryan Conner and I had a text trade off, which is not nearly as intense as EXTREME phone tag, but its close. Anyways, he texted me to express his concerns of my love life. He thinks I pass up various opportunities to "capitalize" on women.

Its no secret that I am currently incapable of recognizing when a woman is even remotely interested in me or attracted to me in some way (I seriously think its a clinical disorder), however, the examples he sited didn't hold much weight to me. I think he got a little fustrated.

I'd like for some women to respond and let me know what subtle little signs would indicate that you are interested. I'm must have missed the bus the day they taught that in Life School.

This leads me to wonder if GOD is getting fustrated with me as well. I mean, if all these women really are interested in me, then GOD is tossing some very promising opportunities to me and I'm not taking advantage. It would be as if GOD asks me to play a pick up game of basketball and I show up in football gear; and everytime he passes me the ball I hit it with a baseball bat and run around the court. I imagin that GOD is getting sick of setting up the plays for me.

Speaking of GOD, I haven't been to church in a while. I haven't really been feeling the idea of going to church and I really wish I could honestly say that the length of the services didn't have anything to do with it. I just want to go to a service and get to the meat of what I'm there for. I want to go to a church that holds discussions about who GOD is and what GOD wants us to do. I don't want to go to a service where I got sit and listen. I want to ask questions. I want someone to ask me questions. I want to reference many different types of religious texts. I want to investigate human knowledge and compare it to what we don't know and what we want to know. If church was like that I think I'd be more into the idea of going and I don't think it would matter how long the service was.

I'm serious. I'm very serious. If you know of a church like this or if you attend a church like this, then let me know. I'd like to attend a few sessions.

I'm getting this guitar today. A friend is selling me his for $400 I was going to wait until they made me a permanent employee here at my job (I'm temporary-to-permanent right now), but I interviewed for a permanent position yesterday and I feel fairly confident that I got it, so I decided to treat myself a bit early.

Besides, if I didn't get the position I interviewed for I'd need something to cheer me up, so I probably would've decided to get it anyways.

Its the same type of guitar that John Lennon used and we all know how obsessed I am with The Beatles:

I'm sure John Lennon's cost a bit more than the list price of $600, but whatever.

This is a very long blog. I'm going to end it now.

love yourself
love someone else
let them know.....

Quincy Ledbetter4 Comments