hey man....no homo
*All the men in the world, aged 15 to 35, are assembled in a conference room. Q.Ledbetter walks in dressed to kill!*
Hear ye'! Hear ye'! Order! Order! I now call the first ever Man Meeting to order!
I have called you all here to discuss something that we have started doing that needs to stop. We all - and I do mean ALL - must stop using the phrase, "no homo". We must retire this phrase with a quickness. At first it was funny and cute, but now we're using it too much.
There's no problem being gay. If you're gay, then be proud of it. If you are not gay, however, I don't need to be reminded of it everytime we have a verbal exchange. You don't have to remind me that you're not being gay when you compliment me on something.
These are examples of what I'm talking about:
"Hey man, I like your shirt.....NO HOMO!"
"Yo, I'm a huge fan of Timbaland's music. I hope to meet him one day....NO HOMO!"
"Hey, you're a photographer? I'm interested in getting a photo shoot with you...NO HOMO!"
"Look, I don't usually do business over the phone. Maybe we can meet up somewhere and continue discussing how our services can benefit one another face to face....NO HOMO!"
"Hey, I listened to your music. Your shit is hot....NO HOMO!"
I can go on and on.
Fellas, I want you to understand something about human nature. Don't take offense to this, but the more you advertise something about yourself, the more likely that the adverse is true. Meaning, if you seize every opportunity to vocalize how straight you are, then you're probably gay...like, for real. Besides, anyone who thinks you're gay after you compliment them or say something minutely ambiguous is probably too stupid to associate with in the first place.
This must stop fellas. Pretty soon we'll have exchanges like:
GUY 1: Hey, how is your cousin doing these days. I heard he was sick.
GUY 2: He's fine.....NO HOMO!
A guy sits alone on the bus on his way to work. The bus stops and another guy walks on and takes a seat adjacent to the first guy. They greet each other:
GUY 1: *nods* No homo, man.
GUY 2: *nods back* Dude......no homo.
GUY 1: Maaaaan, if you were a chick, I'd be all over you right now....NO HOMO!
GUY 2: Homie, you're a dude and I'm a dude.....I STILL wanna be all over you right now....HOMO!
That last one was for fun :)
But seriously guys....let's stop using that phrase. If you're gay, you're gay and if you're not you're not. I don't care either way and anyone with any OUNCE of intelligence won't think you're gay for trading a compliment to them.
NOTE: I'm not sure how to spell "ajourned". Also, I didn't proofread this, so excuse all spelling and grammatical errors.