Office Survival Tips
There is no manual to prepare aspiring dreamers for the hum drum office atmosphere. I've decided to write a quick manual of how I've learned to cope.
THINGS YOU NEED:
-The Internet - I don't know where I'd be without my Internet access here at work. I'm at work right now and I'm typing this blog. Its a beautiful thing. I get my job done and I get to party a little bit with my friends via gmail/gchat and type blogs that no one reads. It keeps me sane, pleasantly distracted, and it halts the process of becoming the average office drone. You know, the type to talk about work issues during lunch break.
-Extra Files - If you work in an office, then you probably have a filing system, which means that you have access to said files. If you ever you need to get away for a while or you are caught up on your work and need to look busy, its good to have an extra copy of a file lying around. Just grab a copy of the file, put it in a folder and walk around at an accelerated pace while looking at the file. This practice will make you look dilligent and, most of all, VERY busy. For added effect you could look a bit stressed out while looking at the file.
NOTE: It is very important not to use a red colored folder because it draws too much attention. It is also very crucial not to look TOO stressed out because it makes you look incompetent.
-Office Buddies - You'll need to befriend at least 2 to 3 people within or around your office. You can eat lunch with these people or just share inside jokes. Personally, I have no internal office buddies, but two friends of mine work in the same office complex as me. This is good enough. Office buddies make the day more pleasant and they grant you the opportunity to socialize with people during work hours. If you do not have Office Buddies you may forget how to talk socialze under normal conditions (beyond the office). This is the first sign of becoming a drone.
-Office Hotties - Every office or workplace has at least one attractive person in its inner workings. Seek out the Office Hottie and gawk at them as they pass by. You could also go as far as to stutter and fidget whenever you are in the elevator making small talk. The most suave of the suave are able to convert the Office Hottie into an Office Buddy. Such technique is reserved for advanced players in this game. If you do not have an Office Hottie at your place of employment, it means one of two things:
1) Your job sucks a little bit more than everyone else's.
2) You are the Office Hottie! Congradulations.
-Water - Office like is boring and you have nothing better to do. Take this opportunity to drink your 8 cups a day!
-Car Naps - I was introduced to the Car Nap by my friend Kojo Mante (www.kojomante.com) and I have been hooked ever since. The Car Nap is just as it sounds. Its a nap that you take in your car. Car Naps are NEVER to exceed 20 minutes and you should only take one a day; preferably after or during lunch. I would not attempt the car nap unless your office offers access to a parking garage, but you are free to be ad daring as you please. Do your own thing. Who am I to judge? I ain't your daddy.
-Dreams - This is the most important of all the things you need while working in the office. Dreams will get you through the day. If you're like me, then you don't plan to be stuck in a "regular job" for the rest of your days. You have Dreams and the only reason you're working a job is to support your Dreams. If you have no Dreams, then you may as well call it quits on resisting your conversion into an office drone.
NOTE: If your Dream is to be working where you work now, then CONGRATULATIONS! You do not need to apply any of these survival tips and for that I am genuinely proud of you.