Filmmaker - Musician - Photographer

men cry too

Fortunately, I'm a space alien and not a real man.

I haven't cried in a very long time. I mean, I've gotten teary eyed a few times, but I haven't had a really good cry in about a year and a half. I'm afraid. I want to cry. I'm not saying that I want something terrible to happen, but I feel like I've been robbed of my feelings. I'm a little nonchalant about a lot of things. A lot has happened recently that I should be upset about; things I ought to be crying about don't phase me anymore.

I've been hitting the gym lately and the only reason I am is because I'm terribly insecure about my body. I think i'm a decent enough looking guy, but you won't catch me in public with my shirt of....EVER! This is the result of a tramatic experience in my childhood that involves me, a group of bullies, and a public swimming pool.

So, yeah...I think I have a sissy boy body and I see how women react to men who have better bodies than mine. I have more to offer than looks, I'm smart, funny, personable, and just an all around GOOD MAN. Yet, I can't get a woman to save my life. I'm very shy, as well. I should be less bashful, but even the meekest of the meek get attention from the opposite sex. The only thing I can think of is that I'm not appealing enough physically, so here I am in the gym 3 days a week (running everyday) to make myself more of a "catch".

Personality isn't enough these days; even with me. Physical attraction sparks my initial interest. Besides that, my standards are high. A woman would have to present a TOTAL package (brains, humor, 'n stuff) to keep my attention beyond a second glance.

I'm also trying to make myself more available. I'm forcing myself into these silly ass social situations just so I can be seen and maybe meet someone. I'm really shy, but that stems from my insecurities. I need to get over that shit and the best way I know how is to get my body to a point where I'm pleased with it. If you know a better way, then please let me know.

NOTE: Keep the generic suggestions and comments to yourself. I'm talking about comments like, "Its whats on the inside that makes a person beautiful," or "Believe in yourself Q!"

I dunno. I get tired of being alone all the time.