Filmmaker - Musician - Photographer

the Santa Clause

First of all, I hope everyone had a good holiday. I'm sorry I didn't repsond to any of your messages or texts and whats not. There are too many. Everyone sends out those universal text messages on holidays and I'm sure you'll agree that its far too many to respond to. So yeah....I turned my phone off. I'm sorry about that, too.

I wrote the illest song ever last night after I got back home. You'll hear it one day ;)

Someone remind me to send Miwa her Christmas present.

So, I'm in the office right now. I am literally the only one here. All the lights are off and everything. Fortunately, the sun is rising and I can still see. Its a little creepy, though. Anyone wanna keep me company?

I got two sweaters for Christmas. One of them was supposed to be my brother's, but it was too small for him...so I got it. I lucked out because I liked the one he got better anyways. I'm wearing it right now :)

Usually, sweaters and things of that nature are the worst gifts you can buy for anyone (not this time though). I've compiled a list of things that you shouldn't buy anyone as a gift for a birthday or Christmas:

-sweaters (usually)
-socks
-ties
-dress shirts
-clothes in general
-cleaning supplies
-scarfs
-umbrellas
-gloves
-pajama pants
-Mighty Morphing Power Ranger bed sheets

Here is a list of things that are awesome as gifts:

-watches
-electronic doo-dads
-gift cards (ideal)
-DVD Box Sets
-CD Box Sets
-jewelry (although it is a bit cliche)
-perfume (very cliche, but still nice)
-software of choice
-high quality musical instruments (if your loved one is a musician)
-video game systems
-video games in general
-cash money
-really nice pens (if your loved one is a writer of some sort)
-anything that you made from scratch on your own
-Scooby Doo bed sheets

Take that and run with it for next year or on a birthday or for any other occasion where gifts are exchanged. If you have children and you're the type to lie to them by saying that Santa Clause exists, then you've avoided the troubles of wondering what your kid wants because you'll get a list and letter to your imaginary Chris Cringle:

SANTA: Quincy, I'm hurt by what you just said.

ME: Who are you?

SANTA: I'm Santa Claus, Quincy. Don't you remember me?

ME: Bull shit.

SANTA: No seriously! How would I know that you're name is Quincy?!

ME: Anyone with a MySpace page knows my real name.

SANTA: Whats myspace?

ME: Wow! You are Santa Claus!!!!!!

SANTA: I think you're misspelling my name.

ME: I think so, too, but lets move on. I have sooooo many questions for you.

SANTA: First thing is first young Ledbetter. Why do you think I don't exist?

ME: Well, I dunno. I never really believed in you except for that one time when I was about 7 years old.

SANTA: How else would I know how naughty you've been this year?

ME: I have been pretty nice.

SANTA: You've been naughty.

ME: Nice!

SANTA: Naughty!

ME: NICE!

SANTA: Naughty!

ME: Niiiiiiice!!!!!

SANTA: Naughty.

ME: NICE!

SANTA: Nice.

ME: Naughty!

SANTA: GOT YA'!

ME: Ooooooh snap, you got me with the Bugs Bunny switch-a-roo jump off, Santa Claus.

SANTA: I taught Bugs Bunny that trick.

ME: Woah, wait a second. You know Bugs Bunny?!

SANTA: Of course.

ME: Now, Bugs Bunny is someone I believe in. Can you introduce me?

SANTA: No.

ME: Well, can you get me an autograph?!

SANTA: Absolutely not. How would I do that if I don't exist?

ME: I thought you just said you did exist.

SANTA: Don't be ridiculous, Q.Ledbetter. Are you stupid?

ME: Well, how am I talking to you right now?

SANTA: I dunno.

*awkward silence.

SANTA: Well, its time for me to go. I had a long night last night delivering presents to all the nice kids around the world.

ME: Wait a second! We have to iron this out.

*a pink cadillac driven by Snoop Dogg comes and wisks Santa Claus away*

SANTA: Ho Ho Hoes, bitches.

The Moral: If you tell you're kids that Santa Clause exists and they find out later that you've lied to them for all those years, then how do you expect them to believe you when you tell them that GOD exists? I'm not chastising you....I'm just sayin'.

Quincy Ledbetter2 Comments